We await with joy these news from family or relatives but sometimes we fear them with anguish: they are bad and here come the blues
The mechanics of families are complex and obscure. Sometimes news of parents, children or relatives becomes alarming shortly after departure.
This can be an unexpected event and in this case the traveller will have to act according to his heart: return home, close to his family or stay on the trip.
In the case of an accident or illness, the decision is easier and more obvious. Everything becomes more complicated when relatives, consciously or not, play on the heartstrings to make the traveller come back.
When giving and taking news turns into tyranny
This emotional blackmail is not uncommon. It often starts right from the beginning with the need for a telephone appointment. They take up an enormous amount of space in everyday life and the poor traveller is no more free of his movements than when he was at home.
At the beginning of the trip, it is quite normal, the relatives are worried, they need to be reassured.
The situation becomes even more alienating when appointments are frequent and the news becomes bad
The blackmail that sets in is not always easy to decipher, it settles in step by step. One of the relatives slowly but surely sinks into depression, grief, despair, he is thinking about suicide. All means are good, imaginary illnesses or a real but described as much more serious than it is in reality, threat.
Exchanges are full of threats: I don’t know what to do with your father/mother, since you left it’s not going well, without you it’s too difficult, he/she is going badly, we can only count on you, etc.
This stage usually occurs when those around you realise that everything is fine, for the best even for the traveller.
How can you (the traveller) dare to be happy and free so far away from us?
A family has its secret, intimate, complicated structures. What the relatives can’t stand is not the traveller’s happiness. It is that he is happy without them. He breaks the codes, the tacit agreements of the circle. He must blossom only with them, only through them, only close to them.
Jealousy is a detestable defect, the traveller will soon realise this
Sometimes it is simply jealousy: why him and not me/us? If, by misfortune, relatives go through a difficult period, whether the couple for example is in danger or their professional life difficult, they become envious of daring to do what they do not allow themselves to do: cast off and embark on a journey full of changes.
The feeling of injustice soon sets in and the two sides will enter into an arm wrestling match, conscious or unconscious. Relatives turn into perverse manipulators. They will not stop playing with feelings and will try to make the fugitive feel guilty for missing out when the family is in crisis. Appointments are increasingly tense, negative and dramatic.
It takes guts for the traveller to cope. Guilty of being absent, guilty of being sensitive to blackmail, he is faced with a difficult choice
They are often seen in hostels, travellers distraught with family news. They wander around, torn between two choices and burst into tears when the subject comes up. It’s one of the most difficult blues to deal with.
It’s a situation to be taken very seriously. The outcome of the fight will trigger a much more serious crisis: resentment
Perhaps the relative will win the game, namely the return of the deserter. The traveller who returns with loyalty will sooner or later become aware of the stratagem. The next step will certainly be the fracture, the separation.
What to do in case of news blues?
Talk to someone objective who knows the family or relatives
We must try to find out what it is really all about. Is the situation really that bad? Is a return in catastrophe, a renunciation of this trip the only solution? With this information, the analysis of the situation will be easier.
Discuss with other travellers
Being open to other travellers can be a great help. Their distance from the crisis, their detachment can enlighten the traveller lost in the throes of his blues. They may also be in the same situation and the way they handle the crisis can help them see more clearly.
Otherwise, the fact that the fellow travellers are not in the same situation at all can serve as a revealing agent to understand, become aware of the perversity of those close to them and put an end to it.
A frank and direct confrontation is essential
This trip is an opportunity to set things straight. A good preparation is necessary as well as good conditions (time, a quiet place, a good internet connection). Perhaps it will take courage to express the discomfort that has set in. Explain that growing up sometimes means leaving and also coming back. The traveller will have to assert himself and explain his doubts about the emergency, the crisis. It will undoubtedly be a real awareness for both parties, the alienation, the submission to the family law can then stop.
This crisis is uncomfortable, painful, but it is one of the stages that profoundly changes a life!
